eencrawford: the first 3D movie i ever saw was that spy kids movie and i was so disoriented afterwards that i fell down the stairs
madturbating: today in theater someone asked my friend if he was pro gay and he was like “im not pro gay but im not amateur gay either”
heismyfirstolive: timelordsandhunters: is nobody going to talk about this painting i mean those men are just casually rIDING THEIR BEARDS NBD never mind them, i’m more concerned about the guy kidnapping a woman with his beard
esexist: dont spread your legs, spread cream cheese on my bagel instead
imjust-kyian: scroturn: i get really offended when someone doesnt sit next to me but im also relieved they didnt sit next to me this is the most accurate thing i’ve ever read
deanspelvis: deanspelvis: deanspelvis: omg my brother just came n my room and threw a micheal jackson cd at me and yelled YOU’VE BEEN HIT BY YOU’VE BEEN STRUCK BY A SMOOOTH CRIMINAL no you don’t reblog this it hit me in the face UPDATE: he came back in and said “annie you okay?”
epic-humor: the kid who volunteers to read and can’t pronounce 90% of the words.
portablemiah: dude if you think about it we’re already astronauts. earth is in space. we’re in space. dude
twerkingmajestically: “we’re gonna party like it’s 1999!” sings the thirteen year old girl. suddenly, she finds herself turning into a fetus. she is trapped inside her mother’s womb. the party has begun.
squidwurd: so there was this girl in my class who showed up to class everyday with her thong sticking out and one day my teacher just walked up to her and said ‘let’s keep victoria a secret’ he got fired but it was still funny
damngruchy: supermassiveasshole: i was teaching my grandma to use computer so we can talk on skype and such but today she went kinda mad at me because “i didnt show her the knitting programme” and i was like what and it comes out she accidentally opened ms excel and found out its a great way to create knitting patterns my grandma is 82
posypayne: so i got my teeth whitened today
krvsty: i do this cute thing where i zone out when you’re talking and then say ‘huh’ after 15 seconds
whatshouldwecallme: Freshman year: Now:
purgatorystuck: Mi papá tiene 47 años= my dad is 47 years old Mi papa tiene 47 anos= my potato has 47 assholes I love spanish
sclez: sweetbuttandhellabooty: can we just take a moment and think about the time my dad accidentally made a fried egg that looked exactly like africa i’m the most impressed by the fact the egg also has madagascar madeggascar